TIPS FOR TEENS ON HOW TO
Its hard, especially when youre a teenager and
bombarded with images of sexuality: that hot-looking scantily clad
guy or gal in the magazine, grinning at you and luring you; or the
persistent emphasis on sex in the movies (even Toy Story!); or the
pervasive links to pornography and ad banners that pop up while you
may simply be checking your e-mail or researching something for
school. How does a young Muslim protect him or herself from all of
Below are some tips that can help:
Tip 1 - Know what is Halal and whats not
We may think only hard core pornography is Islamically unacceptable. This is not true. Improperly dressed men and women, sexual situations, foreplay, kissing, touching, dirty jokes: none of these are Islamically acceptable. Talk to a trusted Muslim friend, family member of the same gender or an Imam about this. Bring it up and ask them to give you the Islamic perspective.
Tip 2 - Remember your accountability to Allah
In America and some other countries, youre fully responsible for your actions when you turn 18. In Islam, youre fully accountable as soon as you understand these things. So that means that from that point onwards, you cannot assume looking at this stuff is no big deal. Your eyes will testify about what you looked at on the Day of Judgment. Remember that Allah is always watching. He is Most Just and Merciful, and He rewards us for the good and punishes us for the bad we do.
Tip 3 - Become conscious of the Haram
Too often, its easy to dismiss that billboard with the spandex-and-bikini-top-clad blonde girl advertising gum, or the guy in tight leather pants and no shirt advertising perfume. When you see it, remember the Islamic perspective, your accountability to Allah, and lower your gaze. Do the same for television and the internet. If you keep doing this, insha-Allah, itll become a habit, and eventually an automatic reaction.
Tip 4 - If feeling overwhelmed, remember Allah
In situations where you feel overwhelmed and cant get yourself to switch the channel, close the browser window or turn your eyes away from the billboard, ask Allahs help. You dont necessarily need any heavy duty, long Du'as. "La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah" (there is no power or ability except with Allah) is short, simple, and reminds you who is really in control and can help you out of this.
Tip 5 - Seek refuge in Allah from Shaytan
Shaytan lured you into this mess. Seeking refuge in Allah (saying awthu billahi minash Shaytan ir rajeem), will help you resist him and his whisperings to continue looking at the material.
Tip 6 - Get up and leave
If you feel unable to control looking at the screen or the magazine, leave the situation. Get out of the living room, your bedroom where the internet is, or where youve been reading the magazine. Take a walk. Just do something to physically get out of the situation.
Tip 7 - Avoid those involved in pornography
If one of your friends is into pornographic magazines, websites, dirty jokes etc. either help him or her change through gentle and sincere advice, or abandon frequent contact with them. Their compulsion will affect you, so its best to stay as far away as possible, by remembering the danger to yourself, your Deen, and your relationship with Allah.
Tip 8 - Stay away from places where its found
Sometimes its on a billboard on a highway and you cant miss it. But often times, youll notice certain parts of your city (the seedier ones) tend to be filled with this kind of material (where there are usually strip joints, for example). Avoid these places as much as you can. If its on your way to school, try to change your route. Also, in summer, stay away from the beach.
Tip 9 - Surf or watch TV when others are around
The temptation to sneak a look at dirty pictures or that bikini-clad babe is heightened when youre alone in your room watching television or surfing the internet. Try to avoid late night TV and internet surfing. Instead, watch or surf when others are around so you can resist the urge to sneak a peek, thinking no ones watching (and remember Allah is always watching). It is a good idea not to have TV or computer in the bedroom anyway. Living room or study room are better place for this stuff.
Tip 10 - Remember your example
If you have younger brothers and sisters, think of the bad example youre setting for them. What message will they get if they barge into your room and catch you watching Baywatch or flipping through Playboy.
Tip 11 - For brothers, remember your mom and sister
Disgusting right? Exactly. No one in his right mind would look at his mom or sister the way many of us look at the Baywatch babes or the girls on the internet or in magazines. Remember mom and your sister, and that should sicken you enough to stop, insha-Allah.
Tip 12 - Have someone watch over you
If you really feel youre becoming addicted to this kind of material, try to watch TV, surf the internet with someone else. You dont have to tell them why youre doing this, but this method can perhaps keep you in check and help you avoid looking at pornography or other similar material. After all, Shaytan tempts us most easily when were alone. Sitting in the company of a family member or good Muslim friend will insha-Allah, help.
Tip 13 - Fast
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised us to fast to cool passions. This should be a method we use to handle the desire aroused by pornography and similar material.
Tip 14 - Do Tawba and return to Allah
If you do end up watching the bad stuff, repent to Allah. Seek His forgiveness, reaffirm your faith in Him, and do good deed to compensate for that sin. He is All-Forgiven as long as you are sincere.
Tip 15 - Repent again and fine yourself
If you lapse, do tawba again. Allah is All-Forgiving as long as we mean it. But then you need to discipline yourself by promising to yourself that if I did it again, I will pay this much in charity or fast for a day.
The message is that dont give up on yourself. Keep trying. Struggle is life. Shaytan could be creative. And with the help of Allah, you will be the winner insha-Allah.
Message for Muslim Parents or Parents to be:
This is an invitation for Muslim mothers, or pregnant Muslimahs to visit a forum on islamic parenting. This will be a place where you can learn and exchange information on Islamic parenting. Insha'allah it will also provide assistance and support to mothers with the challenges of parenting. Also, it has a place for fathers to discuss fatherly issues as well.
The forum is located at: www.islamicparenting.org/forum
If you know of anybody who may benefit from this, or who is knowledgable in this area, please pass this on insha'allah. JazakumAllah Kheir.
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