to make your Wife happy ?
following is a summary of the book "How to make your
wife happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.
returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated
with a good greeting.
with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a
du'aa for her as well.
her hand and leave bad news for later!
Speech and Enchanting Invitations
that are positive and avoid negative ones.
Give her your
attention when you speak of she speaks.
clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
Call her with
the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey,
Spread to her
good memories together.
& having a sense of humor.
competing with each other in sports or whatever.
Taking her to
watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
in the Household
you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially
if she is sick or tired.
important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her
in family matters.
the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
Be willing to
change an opinion for hers if it is better.
for helping him with her opinions.
raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward
in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time
to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
Offer a warm
farewell and good advice.
Ask her to
pray for him.
relatives and friends to take care of the family in your
enough money for what she might need.
Try to stay
in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
soon as possible.
Bring her a
returning at an unexpected time or at night.
Take her with
you if possible.
needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He
should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a
small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
Good and Physical Beautification
obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness,
"Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
her in the proper place only (not the anus).
foreplay including words of love.
until you have satisfied her desire.
joke around afterwards.
intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
Do what you
can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty)
such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do
it first while he is looking on.
positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting
pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you
suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes
she maybe sick or exhausted.
disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her
personal problems and other private matters.
in the Obedience to Allah
Wake her up
in the last third of the night to pray "Qiyam-ul-Layl"
(extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
"Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the
prophet) in the morning and evening.
to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
Take her to
Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
Respect for her Family and Friends
Take her to
visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
to visit her and welcome them.
presents on special occasions.
when needed with money, effort, etc..
relations with her family after her death if she dies first.
Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah
and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends
Training & Admonition
basics of Islam
duties and rights
her to attend lessons and halaqahs
rules (ahkam) related to women
Islamic books and tapes for the home library
Ensure she is
wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
mixing with non-mahram men.
Examples of this are:
1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading
her speech by meanings that she did not
2- Preventing her from going out of
the house when the reasons are just.
Preventing her from answering the phone.
expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is
excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital
be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by
delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV,
mistakes she does to you.
implicit and explicit advice several times.
turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note
that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room,
leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case,
the husband should consider the following:
should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH
never beat a woman or a servant.
should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g.
refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not
praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time
without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been,
should not be done except after having turned from her bed and
discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or
on sensitive parts of her body.
should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe,
and Appropriate Censure
her only for larger mistakes.
mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in
Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she
is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment
to Islam is growing.
attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet
PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the
food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does
declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that
are more subtle than direct accusations
using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have
privacy from others.
the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your
make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for
the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam
Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us
our faults and correct our errors. Muslim Students' Association
University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999.
Taken from :